im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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