I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
