His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
