so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
