Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
