OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
