"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
