You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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