dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Randomize
