Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
