He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
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