I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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