New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
