When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
