And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
two words...techno handjob
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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