so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
