Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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