dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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