Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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