there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
