Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize