I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
