she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
