ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
