Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
