Kareoke will never be a sober sport
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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