A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
