I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
