When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Randomize
