were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
