i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Randomize