this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
