sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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