take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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