guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Text me some of your sweat
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize