but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
