So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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