Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
