if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize