Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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