Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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