if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
