It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
