can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
there is puke in my bra ... again
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
