why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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