just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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