Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
We talked him into tasing himself.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
