i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
