areolas are like halos for boobs.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
