I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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