even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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