My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
