I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
