I wish I could punch you in the face.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
