Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
