It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
