So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
