Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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