The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Randomize
