I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
