Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
