There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Randomize
