And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
