I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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