Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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