I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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